On Being With the Water
Reflections on the ocean, water, grief, and fear and the art of taking a bath to hold it all. Plus a sweet playlist and mini-convo with musician Anju!
Water, Fears, and Family
My mom would always tell me stories of people who had baptized themselves in water and built a relationship with God separate from an institution. My mother is scared of water and swimming. I did not really properly learn how to swim until I was 21 years old. But I always loved the water - I think we should normalize people loving water even if they don’t know how to or can’t or don’t want to swim. I have been trying to distinguish between my own fears and my mother’s, I feel a sense of accomplishment every time I overcome one of her fears. Both a marker of our difference and almost as if I am doing something for her. I’ve accepted that no amount of therapy will ever erase the complex relationship to our family but that relationships can change.
I come from a coastal family. A family that loves music. A family that loves god. My father comes from the tip of India, our ancestral village is somewhere near Manapad and Tirunelveli. I have loved the ocean my entire life, just like my father. You cannot live near the ocean and not be changed by it. My favorite memories with my family are near the water, a force that somehow managed to cool us off from our constant fighting. Lake Michigan and the public pool was the closest thing we could get to the ocean, and every time we went there was always a comment that generally summarized to “It’s just not the same smell, the air doesn’t taste the same - but isn’t the water amazing”.
The summer before my gallery opening I began going to the lake to swim alone. I would whisper into the water all my fears I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m not good enough, how am I going to pull this off, I want to take a leap of faith but I need help. And dunk my head under water, lay on my back and stare at the sky, feeling the edges of my face melt into the water. This past New Year’s Eve, I dipped my feet in the ocean and laid on the beach and stared at the stars and asked for the ocean’s blessing, to give me the gift of bravery in the face of the vast unknown in exchange for my constant humility to the water.
The Art of Taking a Bath
The past three years I have found myself taking more baths than I ever have before. Taking a bath is a luxury. Rather than push my climate change anxiety away I am allowed to sit with it in the water. Rather than pretend my body is “fine” and “adjusted” - I let it be with the years of grief, death, and fear it has witnessed and absorbed.
I think everyone deserves to look at themself in a candle lit room and feel beautiful in everything that you are holding. You deserve to be witnessed by yourself. Give yourself the permission and joy to really look and see and know yourself and feel your energy solely for yourself.
Things you will need:
Candles (2 minimum - it’s all about the mood lighting, my friend you’re better than overhead lights)
Bubble bath/epsom salt
A good playlist
Optional if you’re feeling extra and don’t mind cleaning up
dried herbs of your choice (ie. lavender, rose petals)
oil (ie. coconut oil, almond oil)
But most importantly you want to create a bath that takes into consideration of your senses. What are the smells that set you at ease? How do you want your skin to feel? What music soothes your ears? What type of lighting lets your eyes do less work?
You also want to make sure your room after your bath is also a vibey cocoon that is easeful for you to relax into and maybe light a few candles in there too, make the bed and turn on the essential oil diffuser.
Music for the Water and Mini-Convo with Anju
Here is a playlist just for you to help you be with the water. A soft sweet anything is possible soundscape for your ears as you feel the water on your skin.
One of my favorite musicians and blooming friendships right now is Anju whose music you can find on this playlist and playing through my headphones when I need more gentleness in the day. Aptly described by someone at their recent show “Anju’s music is like laying in a bath filled with warm water and flowers as you bask under the sun”. You can find Anju on their website, instagram, and spotify!
I recently asked Anju, What is your relationship to water?
Anju: My relationship to water is - I love drinking it. I love drinking warm water. I can drink water and metabolize things through me. I am so grateful for bodies of water like the Mississippi and the lakes I grew up around in Minnesota. Water feels like a beautiful larger than life force that can hold me, and hold my feelings when I don’t feel like I’m big enough to hold my feelings - I can give it to the water.
I hope you get some time with the water this week. I hope you remember that you deserve to slow down, to release, and to experience luxury.
With lots of love,
Debs