How does someone prepare for the emotions that come up after a project has been given to the public? Maybe there’s no preparation possible. In my heart I knew that I would feel sad after Bhākti opened. I don’t know how to explain how much I loved the days upon days alone. The early mornings meditating, doing yoga and painting the day away. It was the most delicious gift being able to be in a state of creation and wonder and play. It was such a gift to be away from the perception of others and to be in such a deep conversation with my art, my ancestors and spirit.
I cared deeply about my art living in a physical space rather than the digital world. I know technology and social media is a permanent part of our world, increases accessibility and is a powerful tool. But at the same time I worry that we will forget or have forgotten the glory that is the physical experience of a vibe. I have found it is much easier to do therapy with clients in-person, the ways we can attune to one another, the ease that comes from not being hyper aware of every single one of my facial expressions. How much easier it is to feel a wave of emotion and ride through it. It feels so special to be able to sit on a soft rug, feel the floor cushion underneath my legs and gaze at the crinkles of the cardboard panel in front of me.
It’s hard to determine what success means. Is it the number of people who see something or engage with the work? Is it how much money we make from work? Is it the feedback or words of praise we receive about the work? Is it the feeling of satisfaction that we completed the work with the very best of our effort? I have been trying to figure out what success means for me because the truth is I haven’t really felt a sense of completion since the gallery opened. Maybe partially by design the space is a living thing - watering the plants, gathering every week in the space. It is breathing and constant and alive.
Sometimes we constantly hunger for a neatly-wrapped up conclusion, but maybe that is a sign that we simply need to rest and slow down to integrate an experience. I want to believe or move towards success being simply creating the thing. Success as the tedious and painstaking process of thinking and receiving an idea and bringing the pieces together.
There is a deep grief I’m feeling because I miss the safety and home I felt in my privacy of creation. Something I love most about my artistic and therapeutic work is the privacy of the relationships. I love the way my cup fills up so much in the intimacy and the depth of life I get to experience that can’t be fully captured. It is the most amazing gift in the world. It is unquantifiable. It is in the flesh and there is a movement of energy. While it is hard to not be attached to an outcome or a measure of success - the practice teaches me there really isn’t a true measure of success, there is simply living. I am trying to remember that rest and feeling my grief and doubt and insecurities means that I am alive.
Creating this gallery brought me so much closer to God. It brought me so much closer to my ancestors, myself and the creative spirit. It gave me the gift of ritual and diligence. Amidst the grief, I have remembered that the practices I held deeply through the creation process are the same practices that will allow me to rest and integrate the lessons learned.
The intention of the space soars above quantifiable numbers of success and every week I’m reminded of the power of gathering in physical community to slow down.
Bhākti: A Practice of The Heart
The gallery is open until Dec 14th and open during regular business hours. We gather weekly at the Harvard Ed Portal, Wednesdays at 6pm to create art, meditate, and slow down. On Nov 9th we will have our BIPOC-only event with amazing writer and herbalist Julissa Emile. We will be making teas, writing poems, and sharing stories. You can RSVP to our events here or simply drop-by!
Sending you all so much care and want to leave you with this sweet poem that I have been reading daily. Hope that you have a moment of rest today.
With Love,
Debs
I saw your exhibition and it was beautiful! it felt so loving and accepting, most definitely a portal
this resonates so deeply. thank you for sharing and congrats on your exhibition!